Exactly a year ago today I wrote you a public letter just as I am now. It was the first post on the blog ever. That letter more or less outlined why I started this. I actually just re read it. It made me a bit sad. I expressed how important it is to me to be a big sister and yet for part of the year I gave up on this blog. I stopped writing to you completely. That makes me sadder than anything.
I got caught up in what people thought of me. I've heard people tell me so many good things about this blog and me writing but I hung on to the negative. I posted some good content and things I am proud of. I posted about my anxiety something I didn't think I could do. The amount of support from the most random people was amazing and literally brought my to tears. I realized my audience wasn't just you. And the negative comments seemed a little more poignant. I let it effect me. So I stopped writing when it mattered and making videos. My videos made you laugh you even told me you liked them but I never made another one.
I went through a rough patch this year when I lost my job. Instead of sharing with you what I was going through and sharing this life experience like I wanted to be able to do I just hid. I hid how I really felt I hid that I was laid off for the longest time. In the letter I wrote to you last year, I wrote how I wanted to share the ups and the downs with you but I didn't.
This year is a big year for you. You turned 18 and you're a senior. Soon you'll be graduating and taking on the world. We also have another little sister. Who is growing up and might need some big sister guidance. So I will stop listening to negative comments and voices from others and in my own head. So here is to another year lets make this one a better year. And here is to you Mocha. I love you.