Video #2 Home Haul

Hey guys my second video is live right now!! I did a Home Haul. What's home haul? Watch the video to find out!

Be Unapologetically You

Dear Mocha,

Last week one day late, this week two days. Ugh I know.

I was reminded a couple days ago how often when I was younger I would try to be someone I'm not. I think most people go through this one time or another in their life especially in high school or maybe in college while you're trying to figure yourself out. Or maybe you just have someone in your life you want to impress and you abandon who you are to be who you think they would like you to be, it's happened to the best of us. Watch any high school drama type movie you'll know what I'm talking about {hello Breakfast Club}. You create this facade of who you'd like to be seen as. As I've gotten older experiences and people have left an impact on me to help mold my opinions and ideas. Who I am hasn't changed and it's who I'll always be. And I realize how silly I was to try to be someone I'm not. 

My advice to you is to be unapologetically you. Even if you don't see it now the person you are is awesome. If there is anyone in your life who makes you feel like you aren't good enough or cool enough, one day you'll realize you don't need them. Because anyone who makes you feel like who you are is lesser than anyone else, doesn't deserve to be in your life. Don't try to change who you are to fit in or impress anyone. I can confidently say I'm much happier being me than trying to be anyone else. 

Ps. New video will go up sometime this week! :) 

Changes and a Youtube channel

Hello welcome back.

 If you are here via your computer or even your phone there have been some changes. Cha-cha-cha-changes. This has been a long time coming. I have been wanting to change the look of this blog for awhile now and I finally got the time to do it. So new background, new colors, and a new logo/header. Hooray for changes! I hope you like it! If you like how it was before.. WELL TOO BAD. Haha jk. But seriously.

Now on to the good stuff. I have been talking about starting a YouTube channel forever. And I do have one which can be found here but it only had vlogs on it until now! 

My first real YouTube video is now live. And you can watch it below. I plan on making more videos about things and well its kinda explained in the video. Just check it out.

The Chimney Rock video

In case you missed it here is the Chimney Rock Video! 

Climbing Mountains

Dear Mocha, 

A few days ago I climbed up a mountain. A few days ago I barfed up a mountain.

I realized a couple things while feeling like I couldn't walk anymore without fainting or barfing on myself. Which is what I want to write about today. But let's start from the beginning.

One of our friends has a friend visiting from Brazil. Which Id I think I can say I made a new friend who is visiting from Brazil. We've been taking him around letting him enjoy America from fast food and ranch dressing to night life and natural wonders. So we wanted to go to Sliding Rock in North Carolina but it's closed when it rains. So we decieded on Chimney Rock. Why? I'm really not sure but I'm glad we did. 

Chimney Rock at it's highest point is 2,480 ft. To get to that highest point you have to climb 1,649 stairs. When starting this treck up hill I was already slightly dehydrated and not at my healthiest I guess you could say due to the previous nights activities. So half way up I started to feel awful. I couldn't catch my breath and my heart was racing. If you read this blog you know I have anxiety so of coarse that kicked in also. With a splendid (this is sarcasm) result of puking down a mountain side. I was dizzy and weak and I felt like I couldn't go on at all. I felt bad I was holding back my friends and embarrassed that I was pukeing and ready to quit. But my friends and my boyfriend stood by my side and said to take my time and let it go. Eventually I was able to slowly make it the rest of the way. Which, I have to say, was absolutely worth it. 

It made me realize that this whole thing is similar to any challenged you face in life. Like any mountain you have to climb in your life, figuratively speaking, there will be times when you feel like you just won't make it. While puking and trying to regain my strength I could see the top. I could see how much more I had to climb. Feeling embarrassed and awful I felt like there was no way. I thought to myself "good try but you should stop now". But with my supportive friends wouldn't let me they made me feel like I absolutely could. And I did. There will be times when climbing your own mountains when you feel like there is no way I can do this. But when you have good honest supportive people in your life and your own will, you can absolutely do this. 

Good luck climbing your mountains. Keep moving forward.

Hey I'm Still Here

Well I took a week break. Sorry. Kinda unannounced break I didnt even know I was taking a break. But I'm still here! 

    I've been doing a lot of thinking about my future and my past really. A long time ago I was full of ambition for the future. Through time and a beaten path, the reality of life and my own faults I lost that ambition. 

    I wanted to create things. It didn't matter what I was creating a beautiful building or room, an art piece or even a pretty face, I wanted to create. I wanted to do something that took creativity and left you with a finished product to be admired or even hated. I wanted to make people feel something anything with whatever I did. After obtaining bills and endless job searches my ambition dissolved. I did little things and projects to fill the empty void where my ambition and desire to create used to live. Now I find myself in what feels like a stand still in my life. I wanted to believe that it's a time to find that direction I wanted to walk down years ago. But alas in endless job searches with potential to be that direction results in responses with 'You're great but..' financial needs trumps ambition. At least in this time I've gotten a chance to reacquaint myself with that ambitious girl I used to be. I've even started drawing again. I know I'll find my way. I hope you know that you will too. Life has a great way of getting in the way. Your dreams and ambitions aren't silly. Keep your head up and I'll keep mine up. 

Even if my ambition faded my optimism and willingness to try is still here. I'm still here. I will create. 

Below is a sketch I found in an old sketch book that ambitious girl drew years ago. It's like she's trying to tell me something...

to be reached